


I Hope She Smells My Perfume

by chachkisalpaca



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Like Heavy Angst, Mistress AU, also issa gift to becks!, based on sia's demo for perfume, but a happy ending i promise, happy b-day !!, sorry it's this long sdjfskhdf, there's trixya but thats for half a page, theres a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chachkisalpaca/pseuds/chachkisalpaca
Summary: Pearl was used to having to mark her territory, her perfume pressed into her lover's skin, but she waited every day for someone she wouldn't have to let go at the end of the night, for someone to stay. And as her friend's celebrate their engagement she sees her, her dress like a glove and her face framed by curls.Could Pearl be finally someone's first choice?





	I Hope She Smells My Perfume

**Author's Note:**

> Another long one-shot!! This is a gift for Becks b-day <3 Happy birthday honey! You're one of the swetest persons to talk to and I really appreciate how you feed the children with the airline au so I decided to make something for you this time! Hope you don't get tired reading this, I know I'm publishing way too early but I'm just excited!
> 
> Also, sorry for what you're about to witness before the fluff. If i was going to do angst then I wanted to level up to you sjhfd no but seriously, Becks im so sorry sweetie. Also, Alice helped me by beta read it and helping me with the summary!!! So it's kinda a gift from her too haha, thanks Alice!
> 
> Anyway, that's all, hope you enjoy!

Sometimes, Pearl thought she was too obsessed with the way she dressed, how she did her make-up and selected her perfume before going out, hanging onto Trixie’s arm. She liked to believe Trixie picked her up at night mostly because at night people are more sincere, more vulnerable; the night is when people are open about their feelings and let themselves be real for a minute. Pearl forced herself to believe for a second what they had it’s real, but it’s all in vain when Trixie runs away - after midnight, always after midnight - back into Katya’s arms when she realizes what she has done. She cheated on her wife again, giving Pearl hopes of a serious relationship before crashing her dreams.

But, of course, Pearl never blamed Trixie, it wasn’t her fault, nobody obliged Pearl to accept Trixie’s flirtation, nobody forced her to be Trixie’s mistress, and no-fucking-body but her thought the idea of being the other woman was somehow interesting. She had always seen being a mistress as something luxurious, with someone married but preferring her to their wife. It made her feel important at first, sometimes she wished they would run into Katya by coincidence during one of their encounters, making it  clear to her that she was thing of the past. But as time passed, she started to realize there was nothing good about being Trixie’s other woman: they couldn’t have proper dates, they couldn’t tell anybody about their sort-of-relationship, and Trixie was reluctant to see her most of the time, so Pearl had to be the one to ask her out, fully conscious that she was still married.

So, it was no one but Pearl’s fault every time her heart broke into pieces whenTrixie acted like she didn’t know her when they saw each other in the street during the day, while Katya was the one hanging from her arm and smiling and laughing and thinking her wife still loved her. But Pearl knew Katya could smell her perfume on Trixie’s clothes, she knew she felt her perfume when they passed each other, the way Katya’s body tensed and her grip tightened on her wife’s arm, how she would laugh even louder and kiss her cheek. Pearl knew Katya recognised her perfume. And she was  _ very  _ aware that she shouldn’t enjoy it, she shouldn’t feel so good about breaking a house, Pearl knew she had turned into what she had hated when her father divorced her mother to run away with a woman ten years younger than him. 

Now she understood that woman. She understood that she had just looked for love in the wrong place, and refused to be hurt again by being dumped like trash, so she had clung onto him in the hope of one day being the official woman, the one that had the ring on her finger and the surname of her lover. Pearl wished she hadn’t slut-shamed Krystal so much every time she had to spend weekends at her father’s. It almost felt as if Krystal had cursed her to repeat the story. Pearl thought she deserved it. 

Pearl lay in bed, with the white sheets covering her body as she heard Trixie picking her things while mumbling she had to go home and an apology she knew it wasn’t true. She wanted to ask once again if there was a future for them, if she’d ever divorce Katya (after all, Trixie did endless rants on how it’s not what it used to be and how love is gone), she wondered if the answer this time it will me more specific, or if she will finally get a ‘yes’. She slowly calls for Trixie, and when she gets her attention, Pearl doesn’t dare looking at her eyes.

“Will you ever, just… Stay the night?” Her whisper echoed in the suddenly silent room as Trixie stopped dressing to turn to see her.

“I'm, uhm, I wish I could, but if I don't go back Katya will probably-”

“Katya Katya Katya,” she mocked, with a trembling voice. “For a cheater, you talk more about your wife than you should, if you really do this to forget her” she crossed her arms over her chest, knowing she had no right to claim anything, but yet she was.

Trixie stumbled with the words, trying to make up a good excuse, “My intention isn’t to forget her!” She exclaimed, almost horrified Pearl chuckled, on the verge of tears.    
_ What a pathetic excuse. _

“Then what is it? You started all this and now-” she hesitated to say her feelings out loud, knowing she probably wouldn't be requited. She gulped, “now you're a cheater and your marriage can be annulled at any moment. And people will call me a whore  just for-” Pearl stopped her rambling when she felt Trixie’s weight on the bed.

“Listen, you're not a whore, my marriage won't end and nobody will hurt you.” Pearl wants to say  _ she  _ already has, but she still had some dignity left.

What alarmed her was the 'my marriage won't end’ part. All of her hopes were crushed in less than a second, Pearl turned to look at Trixie and the other blonde finally saw  how red her blue eyes were. Mattel, for the first time since they had started this affair, felt guilty about making her suffer. Pearl never cried, never dared to shed a tear  each time Trixie hurt her. Trixie wondered why this time was different.

“Get out of my house.” Pearl ordered, her voice breaking in the end as a sob escaped from her mouth. Trixie blinked many times and tried to discover the meaning of such simple words.

“What?” Not sure if it was really happening, Trixie tried to place her hand on her shoulder, but Pearl slapped her hand away. Trixie stepped back, her mouth open. She truly hurt Pearl this time.

“I said get out! Go back to your wife! Forget me if you're not going to forget her!” Pearl screamed, throwing a pillow at her, and then another, and another, until she grabbed the alarm from the nightstand. Trixie covered herself and hurried to pickup her clothes. When she was at the door, she turned one last time to look at Pearl, but her gaze was fixed somewhere else, clearly not wanting to see her. 

Trixie sighed loudly, she knew she would cause more trouble, but she  _ had  _ to.    
“Thanks.” Pearl raised an eyebrow. That wasn't the parting words she wanted.

“For what?” she wondered, completely confused. Trixie shrugged.

“Being a good mistress, I guess.” There was silence in the room, Pearl blinked several times, the words stuck in her throat.

A  _ mistress _ ? That's all she was going to say? Not her lover? Not her best love affair, like she had said once? Pearl clenched her jaw, trying not to jump at Trixie. In the fairytale she made up she wasn't  _ just  _ a mistress to Trixie, she was  _ more.  _ But then again, this wasn't a fairytale, this was real life. Life hurts. Pearl knew that too well.

Mattel stood in the doorway watching how Pearl stroked the sheets between her hands, clearly angry. She saw her chest rise and fall violently until she turned to look at her, tears running down her cheeks. 

“That's all I was to you? A  _ mistress _ ?” Pearl wondered, grabbing a pillow from the floor, hugging it, “I… I liked you, loved, maybe. You made me feel important and wanted even when I was just a…” Her throat hurt and the words didn't want to leave her lips. “A rebound. I considered you my  _ lover. _ The one I would wake up with one day and call 'honey’. But I guess nothing is fair in this life.” She shrugged, with an ironic smile. Trixie just listened in silence, feeling her own heart hurt. “Now, get out of my house, and don't come back. I won't open the door for you next time.”

The door was clicked shut and Pearl allowed herself to sob loudly, hiding under the sheets. She could still  hear Trixie's steps around her house, probably taking her stuff away so she wouldn’t have to come back, or maybe she was ripping up all the photos Pearl had of them in the living room. Whatever. She could destroy every physical memory they had together, Mattel was doing her a favor. 

She honestly didn’t know why she had so many hopes in first place, love affairs rarely ended up in a happy life with kids and a dog. They ended with tears, divorces and someone’s heart broken; not everyone got a happy ending like Krystal, with the full fairytale. Pearl rolled on the bed until she was staring at the ceiling, her mind too foggy to react or think what to do. Should she tell Katya? If so, what could she say, ‘ _ Hello I’m the woman your wife has been cheating on you with; she broke up with me because she can’t forget you while we fuck and that’s why you should ask her for divorce _ ’? Katya would probably stare at her with a frown before kicking her out of their house, or beating the shit out of her instead of Trixie. That’s how things worked.

Pearl suddenly remembered a text she had gotten earlier from Shea, something about a bachelorette party due to her upcoming marriage to Sasha Velour. Pearl chuckled _ , life  truly was a bitch _ . People were out there getting married or finding the love of their lives while she was crying over a married woman that didn’t love her back, she wondered for a second what type of witchcraft Krystal had done to fuck her up that much. Nevertheless, the idea didn’t sound that bad, it was right on time actually.

Yeah. She could go out, have fun, get someone new, forget Trixie existed and move on.   
_ I hope it’ll be that easy,  _ she thought, biting her lip. The tears slowly began to dry, but her breath was still heavy and low, it sounded easy but hiding things from Shea wasn’t; the woman had a sixth sense when it came to her friends, and she grew up next to Pearl, she had to pull out a good excuse if Shea thought there was something wrong with her.

Pearl sighed, closing her eyes. She made a silent prayer for tomorrow to not be as bad as today, and forced herself to sleep.

Her ‘sleep’ consisted on rolling in bed, thinking about nice dreams and trying not to think about Trixie. She fell in Morpheus’s arms somewhere between three and four AM. Luckily it was Saturday so there were no alarms going off at an ungodly hour, but there was a phone call from Shea at eleven, forcing Pearl to  get up and look for the device in the mess that was her room.

She found her phone in the pocket of the skirt she wore last night, trying to ignore the recent events, she answered just in time. Shea greeted her with an exasperated yell.

“Finally! I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday,” Shea dramatized, Pearl chuckled a little before actually giving her an answer.

“Sorry, I was…” She thought of an excuse, but knew how bad she was at lying to Shea, so quickly discarded the idea, “Uh, forget it. Bachelorette party. I saw the text, where and when?”

Shea noticed how tired Pearl sounded, but decided to believe she had stayed up painting until sunrise again, 

“Tonight, at our special place, be there by eight at table eleven!” Shea clapped excited, spreading her vibe to Pearl.

“Sure, I’ll be there. See you babe.” The call ended with Shea saying ‘I love you’ million times, making Pearl smile.

She threw her phone in the pile of clothes for laundry and stared at her bed. 

  
_ So what now?  _ She didn’t really have any plans, or will to live left, to be honest. Maybe she could paint? No, bad idea, Pearl couldn’t paint anything if she wasn’t either in the mood for it or inspired. Her stomach twisted, so she thought of eating out. Normally she would stay at home, but today her own home was suffocating her, she needed to get out.

The blonde showered, looked through her closet for something clean, took her keys and headed to the nearest restaurant. She didn’t bother picking up her phone, no one called her on weekends – or ever, anyway.

For some unholy reason, tons of couples decided to go for a walk just like her. She didn’t mind the straights, but the lesbians,  _ oh the lesbian couples _ , seeing girls holding hands or giving each other soft kisses in public would normally make her gay heart so happy, but today she wanted to run when they passed in front of her. Because,  _ how dare they be happy when my heart is broken goddamnit _ ? It took her minutes to arrive at the restaurant; she made her way inside quickly in an attempt to escape the happy couples.

The place wasn’t crowded, it felt empty actually. Pearl sat in a corner, just because she had seen the bookcase and hadn’t brought her phone, so it was a good way to distract herself. A waitress soon came, handing her the menu. She vaguely looked it over before mouthing ‘pasta’ and wine. 

  
_ I don’t have to have someone to drink wine,  _ she thought, trying to smile as the liquor went down her throat. 

Pearl let her mind wander, considering what would happen next; she couldn’t move to another flat, at least not anytime soon, nor she could quit her job just because it was right next to where Trixie used to work. Jinkx was a sympathetic woman, but would surely find her reasons to leave stupid. Pearl wouldn’t blame her if she did.

  
Pearl wondered how her life would be now that she didn’t have someone to spend weekends with or call cheesy names - even if they didn’t say it back; that’s when she thought about those dating apps she used to have on her phone – before Trixie, must be said – they never worked, she either got hit up by nasty straight men or straight girls wanting to ‘try new things’.

The blonde then thought she could just sweep all things dating related under the rug. Why did she need it anyway? She would be fine being alone for a long period of time. Yes. She totally would, Pearl thought while sipping from her glass of wine.

Pearl smiled slightly, trying to convince herself that everything would be fine _._ For one second she let herself believe that nothing could go wrong from now on, that she was entering the best part of her life. She was wrong.

She hadn’t even touched the plate when a waitress seated a couple a few tables away from her. Pearl’s eyes went wide, her whole body shaking; she clenched her fists and tried not to look at the deep blue eyes staring at her in surprise.

It’s not like Trixie had planned it,  _ casually _ running into Pearl and ruining everything once again. Life was simply an enormous bitch. She had brought Katya here in an attempt to apologize to her wife for being so cold lately and to make her forget the perfume she smelled on her clothes that morning when she was picking the garments for the laundry. Katya had finally made a whole show, screaming and crying and ultimately having an anxiety attack. The love of her wife slipped from her hands everyday with increasing speed – Katya knew it and there was nothing she could do but to sit and wait for the divorce.

Except that this time it wasn’t only perfume, but a big kiss in pink lipstick in the collar of her neck, almost faded but  _ there _ . That was the only thing she needed to confirm what she always knew; Trixie had a mistress, someone was stealing her wife’s love from her, leaving Katya with nothing but crumbs.

Their fight had lasted less time than Katya would’ve wanted.  _ You always forgive her,  _ the Russian blonde thought as Trixie convinced her to have lunch out and talk things over with a calm voice.

  
_ ‘There will be no divorce, Kat, I know I made a mistake and I’m willing to learn from it’,  _ were her words while Katya was sobbing on the floor of their bedroom, saying over and over again ‘ _ you don’t love me anymore _ ’. Trixie never corrected her.

Now Katya’s smile was gone and all Trixie was getting was a lifeless expression, and it was making her anxious. Plus, seeing Pearl, the reason why they fought in first place, was driving her crazy.

But Pearl didn’t seem to even want to acknowledge they existed in the same universe, looking at her pasta as if it was the most interesting thing ever created, and Trixie stared at her for a long time, enough for Katya to notice she was looking at something - or  _ someone. _

She dropped a fork purposely and when she bent to pick it up, she followed the direction in which she was looking. A blonde woman not so many tables away, Katya's heart ached. She was clearly younger, beautiful but  _ broken.  _ Katya was aware of her trembling hands, clenched jaw and how she avoided looking up.

Katya sighed, turning to see Trixie, her wife was still looking at the other woman, almost forgetting Katya was there. The Russian closed her eyes and gave a long sigh, before standing up and walking away. Trixie called her many times, but she acted like she couldn't hear her and went straight to her wife's lover’s table.

When Pearl noticed Katya standing next to her place she thought this was going to be a telenovela scene; she thought Katya would slap her, call her  _ whore  _ and proceed to physically fight her. But none of that happened. Instead, she offered her a sad smile, playing with her hands a little before speaking.

“I think you and I should talk.” She began, speaking in a low tone so only the woman would hear her. Pearl closed her eyes for a brief moment, knowing it probably was a bad idea. 

She decided to act brand new.

“About what?” Surprisingly her voice didn't tremble and she was able to give her an stoic expression.

Without any emotion in her features, Katya pointed at Trixie with her head.

“Trixie.” She said with simplicity. Pearl’s breathing grew heavier, the last thing she wanted to talk about today and the worst person to talk with. She didn’t know Katya at all, just brief things Trixie used to tell Pearl about her during dates or after sex. Sensing how uncomfortable she was, Katya was quick to speak again. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, I just want to talk.” She begged, and Pearl wanted to trust her, so she gestured for her to sit in front of her.

There was a moment of silence, in which both of them turned to see Trixie, who was still ather table nearly having a meltdown. Trixie knew she deserved whatever bad thing would happen after this.

Katya was the first in breaking eye contact with her wife and looking at Pearl’s sad eyes.

“How long did you…?” Katya wasn’t sure about any word that left her lips, Pearl felt numb. She didn’t want to hear  _ that _ word ever again.

“One year and nine months,” Pearl replied under her breath, she could’ve said the weeks and days too, she counted every single one of them in her calendar and remembered every detail of each encounter they shared. But she needed to burn those memories if she planned on moving on.

“Who made the first move?” The Russian woman dared herself to ask. For a brief moment she saw Pearl smirking, before the sad expression came back. Her heart ached, but she needed to know.

They met in spring, in the middle of May to be precise. Trixie just wanted a coffee and ended up having it all over her pink blazer and white t-shirt, Pearl had apologized endlessly and offered her phone number to the back-then stranger in order to pay for her laundry. Three days later a text arrived but it wasn’t laundry-related. Trixie had thought Pearl was cute, and wanted to have a coffee with her some day – but only if this time the drink ended up in her stomach instead of on her clothes.

On May twentieth they went on their first date. Pearl thought she saw Trixie taking something off her finger and placing it in her pocket when she was arriving to the place, but never thought it was a wedding band.

“Trixie. I spilled coffee on her by accident and offered to pay for the laundry, she traded it for a date.” Pearl shrugged, trying to not show how much she wanted to cry right there and then. Katya sighed; she remembered that one time she had to clean coffee from Trixie’s clothes and it was nearly impossible. Who would have thought that’s where it had all started?

“I… Kind of expected it.” She confessed, clenching her jaw, “When did you find out she was married to me? Did she tell you or…?” Pearl was low key surprised when Katya referred to their marriage in past tense, but didn’t say anything.

“I actually found out one night hanging out with my friends,” Pearl began, feeling a knot in her throat, “It was at this Italian restaurant in the center. I was about to go say hi to her, when you came back from wherever you where, and I stayed all night long watching you two be happy together,” she chuckled, blinking many times so Katya wouldn’t see her red eyes, “I thought she was cheating on me, I was ready to make a show when I saw the rings.” Pearl closed her eyes, leaning her back on the chair. “We fought and I was about to break up with her, but she told me she would get a divorce as soon as possible. She clearly lied.”

Katya was tense. She knew what night she was talking about -  _ their wedding anniversary _ . Trixie had been acting weird, avoiding her at night by saying she had lots of work to do and coming back home with a stranger’s perfume. Katya hadn’t wanted to believe her wife was with another woman, so she stayed quiet and believed all of Trixie’s lies.

The Russian blonde slowly looked for Pearl’s hand and stroked it. The contact made Pearl tense, thinking she’d hurt her. But that never happened. Katya caressed the skin of her hand with her index finger, looking at her with her eyes already red.

“And why did you stay?” The question caught Pearl off guard, it hit her hard and it hurt more than a slap.  _ Why did Pearl stay even after finding out they’d never be together? _

With a heavy breath, Pearl stared into the woman’s eyes, with tears ruining her vision.

“I loved her,” she confessed, Katya sighed.  _ Me too,  _ she wanted to add, but Pearl wasn’t done talking, she closed her eyes while tears started running down her cheeks, “but she wasn’t mine. And I hoped one day she would be.”

Katya stroked her hand with more strength.  _ Jesus.  _ She knew she should hate her, scream until her voice vanished for stealing her wife's love and wishing the worst of things for her, but Katya  _ couldn't.  _ It wasn't her fault, Trixie should’ve known better than cheating on who she called the love of her life. 

“What's your name?” Katya asked after a long moment in silence in which Pearl just sobbed. Pearl looked up and wiped her tears away.

“Pearl Liaison.” She smiled at her as best as she could, Katya nodded.

“Katya Zamolodchikova.” They shaked hands a little jokingly, and Pearl genuinely laughed this time. After the giggles, Katya looked at her seriously, “I want to clarify; I don't hate nor blame you for anything. I guess sometimes things are not meant to be.” Katya shrugged, with a lonely tear falling down her cheek.    
Hearing her say those words lifted a weight from Pearl's shoulders and it felt  _ amazing _ . Katya's forgiveness was the only thing she wanted.

The Russian woman took a long breath before standing up, slightly smiling at Pearl.

“That's all I needed to hear,” she mumbled, while Pearl was more confused than ever. She just told her she loved her wife, shouldn't she react another way? “Thank you, Pearl.” Pearl had flashbacks to last night, and guided by impulse she asked Katya the same question as Trixie.

“For what?”

Katya's eyes shined with the unshed tears, and shrugged.

“Your honesty.” the blonde said, with simplicity. Before walking back to her table, she turned to Pearl one last time, “I'm sorry for whatever she did to you, you look like a nice girl.”

But she wasn't. She kept on asking Trixie out even though she knew she was married. Katya should be  _ furious  _ with Pearl, and the fact she was apologizing in the name of her wife made Pearl feel worse. Katya was the only good person there.

Her appetite was gone, so she paid the bill left the place, although not before hearing the word  _ divorce _ coming out of Katya's lips as she passed by their table. 

Now she could go home and burn everything she had left of Trixie.

 

-

The night arrived in a blink. When Pearl finally noticed the time she had get to dressed up after a last minute shower, painting as fast as she could, calling a cab and heading to the Italian restaurant “Palandrani”, her favorite place in the city to eat, despite having bad memories from it. Shea met Sasha in that same place, and it had sentimental value for them. Pearl wondered for a brief moment while she checked her makeup on her phone screen what that restaurant had to match up couples. She laughed at herself while thinking she might come home with a stranger thanks to the restaurant or vice versa; it also worked as an old-fashioned dance club, those in which families often went to have dinner and dance afterwards.

She arrived a little past the hour due to the fact that the cab left her a block down due to traffic, she caught her breath before entering and heading towards their usual table. Pearl wasn’t surprised to hear her friend’s voices meters away. Shea spotted her first and waved her hand in Pearl’s direction.

“Pearly babe! You came!” Shea had the biggest smile ever and all Pearl could do was return the gesture, while approaching for a hug.

“Of course I came! Traffic was a bitch so I had to run,” she admitted, Pearl looked around and saw Farrah, Vixen, Blair, Aja and Valentina. She quickly said hi to all of them and took a seat next to Kim. “What did I miss?”

“That waitress that’s the daughter of the owners totally flirted with Vixen and she denies it,” Farrah teased and Shea’s sister rolled her eyes.

“Oh, you mean Aquaria?” Pearl questioned, pouring herself a glass of wine. She used to take makeup classes with Aquaria not so long ago and had had some nice conversations with her, but she wasn’t sure if she was Vixen’s type.

“Yeah! She even wrote her number on Vix’s napkin!” Valentina pointed out. Vixen blushed and threatened to leave if they continued, while discreetly hiding the napkin in her pocket. Pearl chuckled at Farrah and Valentina teasing the younger girl and took a sip from her glass.

They quickly left the Aquaria topic and talked about everything. From funny anecdotes to gossip from their jobs or colleges. Pearl got lost at some point when Blair was telling them about that one time a little girl in the vet she worked at confused her with a fairy from one of those modern cartoons, and started looking around. The place was already crowded and the noise was making it even harder for her to to focus on her friend’s stories. There were lots of pretty women, but none of them activated her gaydar _.  _ Until Pearl spotted perhaps the prettiest woman her eyes had ever seen.

A woman was sat alone in a corner of the establishment, with a pale purple dress and a menu in her grip, her black hair was short and curly, her skin looked like porcelain and Pearl wanted nothing but to run her fingers through every inch of her body. She was  _ flawless,  _ and if she ever considered Trixie the prettiest woman she ever saw now that title was expired and it belonged to this perfect stranger.

After staring for what seemed like a lifetime, Aja shook her shoulder, not gently at all.

“Sis! Come back with us, you’ve been creeping over someone for the past ten minutes, it ain’t cute no more.”    
_ Ten minutes?  _ More like ten hours, in Pearl’s point of view.

The rest tried to look in the direction Pearl was looking before, but none of them could see the woman in the pale purple dress. Pearl blushed when they all asked almost in a chorus if she had seen someone of her interest.

“I think so? I don’t know how to call it, honestly” Pearl shrugged, wanting to leave the topic, but Shea didn’t let it go.

“Whatever it is girl, if I catch you staring again I’ll push you to talk with them! I know you pretty well and you don’t stare at people like that, especially girls, easily.” Shea blinked at Pearl and she  gulped. Shea could be either the best or the worst cupid ever; often she was that latter.

_ If only they could see that woman _ , Pearl thought. How could someone not stare at such a beauty? She looked like something straight out of a painting, those ones that make you want to cry because it’s so  _ perfect _ and well done, and the only appropriate reaction is to cry. But Pearl didn’t want to cry, she wanted to sink her fingers into that hair, caress her porcelain skin and see how her face would look like with a bright smile.

After Shea’s warning she decided to look at the stranger through the corner of her eye, catching quick glimpses of her. The conversation went on and Pearl barely talked, she was concentrated on something else.

At nine thirty precisely, the personnel of the place announced that the dance floor was already open and whoever wanted to dance was welcome. Most of the clients stood up and walked to the back of the restaurant, Pearl’s heart skipped a bit when she saw the woman standing up, smoothing her dress, taking her purse and heading to the dance floor –  _ alone _ .

_ It was perfect,  _ Pearl thought smiling inside. They paid the bill and headed to the dance floor, giggling excitedly between them, Palandrani apart from having the best food in the entire city also played really good music, and they’d pretty much rather spend their Saturday nights there instead of in a nightclub.

Pearl’s heart hammered in her chest with each step she took, looking around for that pale purple dress in the crowd. Just when they were near the bar, she saw her gracefully sitting next to the counter and talking to the barman with a big smile. She offered to order the drinks while the others made space on the dance floor, Valentina told her she’d accompany her but she shook her head, she had to do this alone.

With her legs shaking, as if she was a teenager about to confess to her crush, she stood right behind the dark haired woman with the purpose of asking the barman for the drinks. She was so close she could  _ swear _ their shoulders touched and her theories were right – her skin felt like porcelain brushing against hers.

“Hey, can you give me three margaritas, one shot of tequila, a martini and two blue Maries?” She tried her best not to stutter. The barman nodded and left to prepare her order. Pearl heard a giggle next to her and she felt instantly paralyzed,  _ who gave this stranger the right to have such a beautiful laugh? _

“Drinking to forget someone?” She asked, Pearl’s heart was now beating loudly in her chest, she wondered if the stranger could hear it.

“Not really, I’m ordering for my friends,” Pearl pointed at the dance floor, she then noticed the big glass of beer she was holding in her hand, the blonde managed not to chuckle. “Am I supposed to believe that’s all for you?” Pearl raised an eyebrow with a tiny smirk; the dark haired woman raised her glass and took a long sip from it.

  
“Yes, you are.” She winked at Pearl and Pearl felt herself go weak in the knees. “I’m Violet.”  _ Violet.  _ Pearl repeated it under her breath, it sounded painfully pretty, like her.   


“Pearl.” She offered Violet her hand to shake and she accepted it. The barman came back with her order and she excused herself for a moment, quickly calling Valentina to help her. Valentina gave Violet a quick look out of the corner of her eye and frowned a little, but stayed quiet. Pearl delivered all the drinks and stayed with her shot of vodka in her hand while she came back to where Violet was, she could hear Shea in the background saying how proud she was that she didn’t have to push her to go for it.

Violet was texting someone when she sat next to her, the woman lifted her gaze from the phone and locked it. Pearl noticed her grip on her beer was tight but didn’t make a comment about it – it was none of her business after all.

“I’ve never seen you around before, and I come pretty often,” she shyly started a conversation, playing with her glass. Violet giggled a little before answering.

“That’s because I’m not from here,” Violet commented, “I arrived in Chicago not too long ago, a friend recommended this place to me.” Pearl noticed how Violet hesitated when saying ‘friend’ but  again, she stayed quiet.

“And you decided to come alone? This place is better with company, you know?” Her stomach dropped, hopping she wasn’t that obvious with her intentions.

To her surprise Violet came closer, close enough for their knees to touch.

“I know that, they told me the same” she took a sip of her beer before continuing, “But I find it funnier coming alone and leaving with company.” Pearl's heart stopped for a second.

_ Was Violet saying what she thought she was saying? _

The blonde could only  nod and take her shot as fast as she could. It burned her throat but it was good burn. She blinked many times and looked to the dance floor, where her friends were dancing, having fun and enjoying the night. Pearl caught Shea looking at them from time to time, gesturing at her something she couldn't distinguish. It was probably something like ' _ Get it girl’. _

Pearl's thoughts about whatever Shea was saying were interrupted by Violet's right hand on her knee. Pearl felt paralyzed for a moment, her skin was so soft it felt like heaven _. _

“Do you mind showing me where the bathroom is? Perhaps the beer really was  too much for me,” her cheeks were slightly red and a giggle came out of her lips. Pearl nodded, hypnotized by her smile and stood up, telling Violet to follow her.

They had a small talk while heading to the ladies bathroom, Violet said she was from Atlanta and  was loving Chicago so far. Pearl replied by saying she lived there all of her life and found it pretty boring, Violet gasped, offended.

“How can you call this place boring?!” She placed her right hand over her heart, and looked away. “It has good food and gorgeous girls, it's interesting so far.” Pearl could  _ swear  _ she saw Violet winking at her, and it made her feel a very familiar twist in her stomach.

Pearl decided not to reply and stayed silent, at least for now. Arriving to the bathroom Violet quickly locked herself in a cubicle while Pearl checked her text messages. She had one from Farrah, three from Vixen and ten from Shea. All of them asking who the mysterious girl was. She smiled a little, their excitement was way too much for what probably meant nothing. 

Pearl was distracted with her phone so she didn’t notice Violet standing behind her until she pinched her arm, Pearl turned to see her, she had a shy smile on and a pout.

“My dress’ zipper kinda broke, can you check if it can be repaired? Or else I have to go home,” she begged, turning around, Pearl’s breathing was heavy while her gaze ran over Violet’s bare back.

“I… I guess so” the blonde stuttered, trying to focus and attempting to fix the dress. It was nearly impossible, and after a while she gave up, “I can’t, sorry.” Violet sighed loudly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Guess I should go home…” Violet began, “But I don’t wanna go home alone.” Pearl caught the double meaning, Violet got the double meaning - they both  _ knew _ it.

Pearl wasn’t sure about it, though, she wasn’t a fan of randomly sleeping with a stranger. Who knows, she could be a psychopath or a serial killer. You never knew. But there was  _ something _ inside Pearl that wanted to believe Violet was a good person, truly interested in her. 

She bit her lower lip before running her cold fingers down Violet’s back, until she reached her hips and grabbed her by them.

“Maybe I could keep you company in a cab,” she whispered near her ear and Violet giggled. Pearl thought that could be easily her new favorite sound.

“I’d like that a lot.”

The rest of the night was a blur of lights, smiles, laughs, walking through Chicago with Violet hanging from Pearl’s arm, laying on unknown sofas and episodes of Golden Girls playing in the background while Violet’s lips were over Pearl’s and calls Pearl never bothered answering.

When Pearl left Violet’s apartment the sun was already in the middle of the sky and people were coming back from work. They had spent the morning and lunch together, and it was easily one of the best experiences Pearl had. Violet turned out to be the sweetest dork she had ever met, and they both silently agreed to meet again, not necessarily at night. 

It made Pearl’s broken heart beat again hearing Violet say she’d pretty much rather see her when the sun is up and hold her hand while going for a walk than meeting at night and spending little to no time together. 

-

 

After two months of casual dates and millions of texts, Pearl invited Violet over to have dinner. Violet was a little hesitant during their phone call, saying she wasn’t sure about it since she was expecting a guest. In the end she said yes, saying she’d tell them she was going out and to come next morning. As soon as she read the message, Pearl started cooking whatever recipe she could find on youtube. 

Pearl had already thrown away everything left from  _ the one that mustn't be named;  _ she told her friends about her affair that ended in a broken heart and they didn’t hesitate in breaking into her apartment and helping her clean.They still had to find out about Violet, but she supposed they had noticed it. Valentina was the only one that knew for certain, not because Pearl told her but she already knew Violet even before that day at Palandrani. The latina was awkward while talking about Violet, Pearl couldn’t tell why, but she didn’t elaborate on that.

At eight PM Violet showed up at her door and Pearl instantly jumped into her arms, giving her a deep kiss.

“Hi babe,” Liaison breathed against Chachki’s lips. The woman smiled and hugged her with all her strength, walking inside.

Violet looked around and was surprised when she saw all the paintings hanging here and there, the photos and decorations -  _ everything _ was so Pearl.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Violet teased, seeing the food in the table, “It looks delicious.”  Pearl shined in pride and did an exaggerated diva gesture.

“Thanks, I took an intensive course of fifteen minutes on youtube,” she joked, eliciting a loud laugh out of Violet. Pearl smiled; she loved making Violet laugh.

They had dinner in peace, telling stories from their weeks and random fun facts. Pearl and Violet could talk about anything and everything for hours and not get bored while being together. They were just incredibly compatible and Pearl could see herself falling really quick for Violet. Although she wasn’t sure if Violet felt the same, there were moments in which she’d catch her staring and just  _ knew  _ that look wasn’t the one you gave to someone you’re not into.

Although Violet could go days without seeing her, she always texted. It was weird sometimes, but Pearl couldn’t judge her, they were nothing official - yet - and it could be for her work… But Pearl didn’t know what  Violet’s job was.

To be honest, Pearl didn’t know much about Violet’s personal life while Violet knew all about hers. At first she thought it was okay if she just told her superficial things, they were starting to meet each other and deep secrets could wait. But not knowing what her job was was kind of awkward.

They were laying on Pearl’s couch, Violet on top of her, just enjoying each other’s presence, when Pearl decided to touch the  _ what are we _ topic.

“Vivi?” 

“Hmm?” Violet was slowly falling asleep with the way Pearl ran her fingers through her hair, softly caressing her skin with her free hand.

“Do you like me?” she asked in a shy tone, Violet raised a brow and chuckled against Pearl’s chest.

“Of course I like you, silly.” Violet looked up to meet Pearl’s eyes, the blonde bit her lip.

“Then… What are we?” The question made Violet tense and open her eyes widely, breathing heavily, she tried not to show her discomfort with that question.

“I don’t know, what do you want us to be?” Violet answered with another question, sitting straight, Pearl did the same as she thought of her answer.

“I want to be something official,”  _ I’m tired of being the one that people hide,  _ she added in her mind.

Violet bit her lower lip, low key shocked by the confession, but after some moments she leant over and took Pearl’s face with her hands.

“Then you’re my official one, babe.” Violet placed a soft kiss on Pearl’s forehead before giving her a peck, Pearl pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, with her cheeks hurting from the smile. She could swear her heart would stop at any moment.

_ I’m someone’s official thing,  _ she thought, with happiness washing all over her. 

Violet stayed over that night, they loved each other in the most soft of ways, and Pearl truly thought she was getting recompense for all her suffering with  _ the one that mustn't be named _ , who she never saw again after that day in the restaurant. She was fine with Violet by her side, and believed they’d last.

She was wrong.

Pearl had forgotten to deactivate her alarm for nine AM, and when it  went off she was quick to wake up and turn it off so Violet wouldn’t get up. She laid again next to her, appreciating her now girlfriend while she slept. Pearl smiled, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

She got up from bed, there was no way she could go back to sleep so she decided to make herself breakfast. Liaison made her way to the kitchen, hitting things on her way, walking like a zombie. Coffee would do her good. While she was looking for a mug in the cupboard, she heard Violet’s phone ringing somewhere in the living room. Pearl decided to look for it, in case it was important, she found it on her purse.

There were tons of notifications but the most recent ones caught her attention. Two messages from someone called Michelle.

‘ _ Can’t wait to see you tonight, babe, I missed you. I can’t stand being away of you.’ _

_ ‘I already bought you the entire set of jewels to accompany the ring, we can still change it if you don’t like it. Only the best for the future Mrs Visage.’ _

Pearl felt something break inside her. It was getting difficult to breathe and she felt a pressure in her chest, her heart was hammering with rage. It couldn’t be true. Violet couldn’t have been engaged all this time, it was impossible to believe -  _ it happened again. _

Liaison frantically looked through Violet’s purse to see if there was a ring inside it, and her spirit broke even more when she found not just a simple gold ring, she found one with lots of diamonds and amethysts, clearly unique. Pearl started to sob against the fabric of the cushions of the sofa.

‘ _ Why? Why I’m always someone second option?’  _ Her head was spinning, there was a knot in her throat and her heart was completely broken now. Why was life being so unfair to her?

Violet woke up when she rolled in the bed and couldn’t feel Pearl’s body, she stretched a little and looked for something to cover herself, she found a hoodie from her girlfriend and threw it on with some slippers. Chachki dragged herself to the living room, where she found Pearl crying and all the things in her purse on the floor. Violet felt paralyzed,  _ oh no. _

“P… Pearl? Babe? What’s happening?” Anger ran through Pearl’s body, she clearly knew what was happening but prefered to deny it.

Liaison got up off the floor and turned to face Chachki, her eyes were red and her face was wet. Violet felt incredibly guilty.

“What’s happening? What’s happening?!” the blonde repeated, showing her the ring, Violet was pale, “What’s happening is that you’re fucking engaged! You have a fiancée and yet you have the nerve to date me even when I told you about  _ her _ !” Violet was aware Pearl had her heart broken by a married woman before dating her, but Violet’s situation was way too complicated to just break off off her engagement.

“Pearl, please let me explain!” 

“No! You have nothing to explain, bitch! I’m tired of being a toy everyone likes to break! All I wanted was one relationship where I was someone’s first choice!” More and more tears came down from Pearl’s eyes and Violet started to tear up, she never meant to hurt Pearl.

Violet took some steps closer, saying ‘I’m sorry’ multiple times.

“Pearl, please, I’m sorry! I never meant to make you feel like a toy, you’re special to me.”  _ Lies lies lies.  _ Pearl wasn’t buying a single word. Violet started sobbing, realizing she probably would lose her Pearl. “Pearl, please I lo-”

A slap made Violet shut up. Shocked, she saw Pearl out of the corner of her eye, her flesh hurt and her left eye felt like it was about to explode.  _ I deserve it,  _ she thought.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ saying that word when you don’t even mean it,” her voice was trembling and her body was shaking, Pearl had had it. “I’m tired of being just a mistress.”

_   
_ _ But you aren’t _ , Violet wanted to reply, but she was still in shock, and besides, Pearl wouldn’t believe it, “Get dressed and leave. Don’t call me, don’t look for me, I don’t want to see you again.”

“Pearl…” Violet murmured, with tears falling like cascades. Pearl looked away, hugging herself.

When she was back in last night’s dress, Violet slowly walked towards the door, but Pearl was nowhere to be found, she heard sobs coming from the bathroom, Violet sighed, she had to leave or else she’d hurt Pearl even more. 

She closed the door behind her and slipped her ring onto her finger, she had to find a way to break her engagement and apologise to Pearl.

 

-

 

When Pearl’s friends found out about Violet, they were excited for some moments, before Pearl broke down in tears and told them she was engaged to another woman all this time. Shea was the first to stand up and oblige Valentina to give her Violet’s address. Sasha had to sit her down again and beg her to not do anything foolish.

“But she broke my friend’s heart! Nobody can do that and get away easily!” She argued, but Sasha sighed and stroked her wife’s hair.

“That will make it worst, just… Just let Pearl heal, okay?” Shea groaned loudly and tried to calm herself. 

They stayed with Pearl for a whole day and for a moment the blonde forgot Violet existed. 

The following days she asked Jinkx for mini-vacations; she needed to clear her mind and sew the pieces of her broken heart together alone. She should have known relying on someone else to help her forget  _ the one that mustn't be named  _ was a bad idea, but the damage was already done and she couldn’t turn back time.

When she came back to work, she had trouble focusing when a couple was showing affection to each other. Pearl felt jealous; they had someone to love and she was alone with just her stuffed bear she gained on the carnaval years ago.

An idea hit Pearl after days of crying and watching romcoms non-stop:  _ Should I get a pet?  _ Pearl knew pets lifted people’s mood and made them happier but she was also conscious of how irresponsible she was. The idea started haunting her with increasing frequency, every time someone visited the shop with their pets. 

Pearl just wanted someone to cuddle her in the night, someone to call ‘honey’, ‘baby’, ‘sweetheart’ and all those cheesy nicknames couples have. The idea became more and more attractive each time she passed in front of an animal shelter and saw people leave with loving pets. After spending hours in front of the Amazon page for pets, she decided to get one herself. It was probably the best she could do to allow herself to heal and move on.

It was a Sunday afternoon when she decided it was time, the nearest shelter was still open, her hands were trembling and a silly smile could be seen on her face. The receptionist was kind and helpful, guiding her through the building until they reached the dog cages. Pearl wasn’t a cat person. The woman told her about the pedigree of each dog they saw, or how they found them and how was their recovery going. They were all precious and seemed lovely, but they didn’t have what she was looking for. Almost at the end, where the cages got smaller and barks could no longer be heard, they passed in front of a cage the woman omitted, Pearl felt  _ something  _ about the animal there and asked the lady to show her the dog.

With a nod, they knelt down and Pearl tried to catch a glimpse of the dog, but it was so dark she could barely see inside.

“This is one of our littlest girls, she arrived three weeks ago. Hey honey, come say hi!” The woman opened the cage, letting the small puppy run to her arms. Pearl was suddenly enchanted by the puppy, her heart hammering in her chest with nothing but love as the dog ran around her.

She recognized the breed as a Shiba Inu, the puppy was probably just two months old but she had a fluffy texture and caramel fur. The puppy was so playful and full of love and energy, perfect for Pearl.

Pearl took the puppy in her arms and looked at the receptionist with the biggest smile she ever gave to someone.

“I want her.” The receptionist smiled and asked Pearl to follow her back to the counter so she could fulfill the necessary papers. The puppy licked Pearl's face, getting a giggle from her. She'd be a great company.

Pearl named her Honey out of her desire to have someone to call cheesy nicknames. The puppy seemed to like it, since she quickly got used to it. It made Pearl laugh how energetic and curious about everything Honey was; as soon as she arrived to the apartment she attempted to climb on the sofa, when she didn’t succeed, she started to run everywhere, smelling and biting everything, Pearl sighed while she took her in her arms and layed on the sofa, she was ready for their first cuddle session.

The first days Honey spent with Pearl were the best Pearl had in a long while; the puppy had endless love to give and Pearl needed that desperately. Honey would usually wake her up with licks all over her face, claiming her breakfast. Luckily, she didn’t have the habit of biting shoes that most puppies had, Honey was fine with the chew toys Pearl made her out of  old t-shirts and scrunchies and was ultimately easy to keep happy, therefore Pearl was happy. Pearl was taking care of herself by taking care of Honey, and that was probably the best part.

Her friends loved Honey, they melted each time they came to visit and saw her, especially Farrah, Farrah would usually crash at her home unexpectedly just to see Honey, Pearl didn’t mind though, she’d do the same. Farrah even picked her up sometimes just to have a walk with her and Honey. Pearl started going out again thanks to her little pink-haired friend.

Three months had passed since the last time Pearl saw Violet. She still texted her sometimes, asking again and again for a chance to explain herself. Pearl never answered and instead left her on read, she was finally over her and wouldn’t allow Chachki to hurt her again. Or someone new, for the matter.

It was a Friday night, in a humid day of summer. Farrah was still at Pearl’s home - they’d gotten closer and closer due to her constant visits, watching a marathon of Gossip Girl with Honey sleeping in Farrah’s lap, the younger girl suddenly paused the episode.

“Don’t you wanna go out and, I don’t know, walk Honey in the park?” She wondered, “I feel like going out, don’t you?” A bright smile appeared on Farrah’s face. Pearl was about to say no, but the girl made a pout and put puppy eyes, “Please Pearly, please?”

Pearl sighed, getting up from the couch.

“God, fine, I hate you. I’ll put on something decent, look for Honey’s lead meanwhile,” she lazily said, dragging her feet to her room. Farrah clapped excited and looked around for the dog’s lead, waking Honey up when she got up.

Pearl threw on a simple red t-shirt, shorts and shoes without any socks. When she came back to the living room Farrah had Honey in her arms and the dog was licking her cheek, while calling her pet names. She chuckled and grabbed her keys, heading to the door with Moan following her from behind.

They walked out of the building with Honey running excitedly. The nearest park was four blocks down but they weren’t in a hurry, there were tons of people in the street, walking in pairs or walking alone, obliging the girls to slow down their speed. It didn’t matter though, they didn’t have any interesting plans for tonight. Aja was out of the town with Vixen and Farrah had to stay since her boss didn’t want to give her vacations in the middle of the season. On the other hand Jinkx was somewhere in Europe enjoying her vacations with her wife, meaning Pearl had free time while they weren’t in Chicago.

Farrah talked with enthusiasm about her next year in the vet college, the first year was a pain in the ass but now she knew what to expect. Pearl told her once she got graduated she’d have to attend Honey free since she loved her so much. Farrah chuckled, saying she would consider it.

When they arrived to the park, it surprised them how empty it was. Nevertheless, they sat in the grass, letting Honey run around and roll everywhere. Farrah instantly pulled out her phone and started taking pictures and videos of Honey, who looked for her mother’s attention and started jumping for her to be held her in her arms.

Pearl’s heart melted and laid on the grass, with Honey instantly settling over her chest, Farrah laid right next to her but Honey was more interested in Pearl. The blonde felt in peace, just having her friends and Honey was better than any girls and nobody could ruin this moment. 

“Bitch! Isn’t that Valentina with Violet?!” 

_ What the fuck? _

Pearl sat again and looked everywhere, until she saw them: Valentina was walking around with Violet, while this held in her hand the lead of a small Poodle. Pearl felt betrayed,  _ how could she?  _ What part of ‘she broke my heart in a million of pieces’ did Valentina not get?

Farrah frowned and was about to go to Valentina and make a scandal for being a fake bitch, but Pearl told her to stay calm and just go back home. They were about to leave, until Honey ran away, straight to Violet’s poodle and Pearl had to chase her before she could get next to Violet and make things awkward.

Turns out, Shiba Inus were fast when they wanted and Pearl couldn’t get her lead in time, Honey and the poodle were barking at each other and chasing after the other in a matter of seconds.

“Hey pretty, where’s your owner?” Violet asked, stroking the dog’s fur, Honey licked Violet’s cheek, making her laugh. But Valentina was pale.

“V- Vi, that’s Pearl’s dog.” She stuttered, Violet then saw the blonde running to them, confirming Valentina’s words.

Violet’s heart beat as fast as the first time she saw Pearl, surrounded by her friends at Palandrani’s. She remembered that night as if was yesterday; Michelle had bought her an apartment in Chicago so they could be closer while they prepared everything for the wedding. She didn’t want to marry her, Violet just wanted a sugar mommy to pay for her college stuff and buy her nice gifts, but things got out of her hands at some point.

After Pearl found out, Violet did all she could to convince Michelle the wedding was wrong. She had the perfect excuse to cancel everything when Michelle found out about Pearl - a little too late but she did. Visage cut her off immediately and assured Violet she would never see her again. That wasn’t a problem in the brunette’s mind. 

What it surely was a problem was affording the expensive apartment she used to live at, in the end she had to move in with Valentina, her college best friend, and the poodle her ex-sugar mommy gifted her. 

So there was she now, walking Duchess on a Friday night with Valentina when a stranger’s dog came to say hi, contemplating how Pearl run after her dog and being astonished with how beautiful she was.  _ God, I really missed her _ .

Pearl called Honey but she was busy playing with Duchess, she didn’t want to approach enough to have to say hi to Valentina or Violet. It would just be  _ awkward _ . But Honey was feeling rebellious so she had to walk up to Violet and her dog, Pearl took Honey in her arms and acted as if she hadn’t noticed the two girls. But Valentina had to open her mouth.

“Pearl, hi” she greeted with a trembling smile. Pearl took a deep breath and told herself it wouldn’t be good to fight with her friend for having other friends.

_ Even if those other friends are the bitch that broke your heart. _

“Valentina, always nice to see you,” she said with tons of irony. Valentina discretely pushed Violet to say  _ something, anything. _

But Violet had flashbacks to their discussion, and had the words stuck in her throat. Just when Pearl turned around she mumbled under her breath,

“I love you. _ ” _

Except that it wasn't a whisper, it was out loud and Pearl could hear it. It hit her hard, even more than when Katya apologised to her, or when Trixie told her she was just a mistress. Trixie never loved her, never said more than ‘I like you’, never really cared for Pearl. But things with Violet were different; she used to care, she used to say ‘I love you’ in her own ways, but never out loud. Hearing those simple three words coming out of her mouth shocked her, especially after not hearing from her in such a long time.

She clenched her jaw, promising herself she wouldn’t cry this time.

“I don’t believe you,” she said, loud enough for Violet to hear her. Violet was about to reply, but Pearl interrupted her, “How can you love me when you’re engaged - or married, I don’t fucking know now - to another woman?”

“I’m not engaged anymore,” she spit as fast as she could, Pearl raised an eyebrow, looking for her ring, but is wasn’t in her finger. “I broke off my engagement with Michelle because I fell in love with you! I thought a million ways to break it off before getting serious with you!” Pearl was looking at her with narrowed eyes, slightly skeptical. “Ironically, she broke up with me two days after we ended.” Violet shrugged, biting her lower lip.

“Why?” She asked, even though Violet didn’t owe her any explanation. Chachki smirked, with her cheeks slightly red, Pearl wanted to believe it was for the heat.

“She smelled your perfume on my clothes and knew it wasn’t one of the many she bought me, it was a cheaper one.” Pearl was offended for a second for the ‘cheap’ thing, but the surprise was even more, what type of perfume was she buying, strong enough to stay that much in people’s clothes?

“Oh…” even when the confession made her a little bit excited, Pearl still didn’t know how to feel about the situation besides  _ angry _ . She still shouldn’t have dated her while she had a fiancee. “I’m sorry you got dumped because of me, I guess. But…” The words suddenly got stuck in her throat, should she admit Violet broke her heart and risk herself to look weak? She then decided to just walk away. “Nevermind.” Farrah was some meters away, watching in silence, and when Pearl turned around Valentina made a sign to her to stop Pearl, their hard work wouldn’t be in vane.

Valentina pushed Violet even more to go after Pearl; she let her go one time and there wouldn’t be a second. Giving Duchess’ strap to Valentina, Violet ran towards Pearl and grabbed her hand.

“No! I won’t ‘nevermind’, I missed you every single second you decided to kick me out of your life, and now, now I don’t want to let you go.” Violet spoke quickly, running out of breath, Pearl could barely understand what she meant but she understood one important thing: Violet wouldn’t leave that easy.

Pearl frowned, raising her walls and decided to not let Violet in.

“But I don’t want you in my life! I don’t want you near me!”  _ I don’t want you to hurt me again,  _ she thought, but keeped it to herself. Violet didn’t have to know.

Chachki tightened her grip on Pearl’s wrist and looked into her eyes with desperation.

“Pearl, please, I just want you, I don’t want anybody else!” She assured, and a small part of Pearl wanted to believe it was true, but she already heard those words before and knew they were never true. Unless…

Pearl shook her head, holding back the tears. She couldn’t cry, not this time.

“Violet, don’t to this to me, you know I can’t forget this type of thing.” Pearl closed her eyes, remembering every special moment she had with both Trixie and Violet, they were both so different and yet so similar. “I can’t, I- just can’t, Chachki. You  _ broke _ me.” Her cheeks were red when she admitted it, Violet felt like the worst piece of shit. 

  
She let go Pearl’s wrist, without breaking eye contact _ .  _ It was now or never. _ _   


“Listen, I know, I hurt you very badly and just for saying sorry I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m serious when I say I  _ love  _ you, okay? I was the loneliest piece of shit when you were gone, and that’s because I didn’t want another girl. I wanted  _ you. _ ” Pearl felt herself not so far from tears. Violet’s words were hitting her worse than a kick in the stomach, they left her breathless. Was this real? Was a girl like Violet so into a girl like Pearl enough to reject other women? It didn’t feel like real life. 

“I can’t forgive you,” she repeated, her voice was trembling and she was sure Honey would have to stand her crying tonight.

Violet sighed, she didn’t blame Pearl for not wanting to get hurt again. Then, an idea came to her mind.

“We can start again” Chachki offered, already feeling hopeless. “We can do this as if we didn’t know each other and start over, I _ promise _ I won’t make the same mistake again.”

There was a long silence, in which Valentina and Farrah decided to leave them alone for some moments. Violet was shaking, hoping and praying to every saint Pearl would accept. 

After what seemed a lifetime in the making, Pearl smiled, holding back the tears.

“But one mistake…”

Violet thought she could cry right there and now.

“No more mistakes.” She smiled widely, with her cheeks slightly hurting. Shyly, Pearl pulled her closer, there was a knot in her throat and she hoped she wasn’t making the dumbest shit she ever did.

“And I was a fucking mistress all my life, don’t you dare turn up with someone else’s perfume.” She tried to make it sound like a joke but Violet knew it was serious. She kissed Pearl’s forehead, nodding many times.

“I won’t.” She promised, hugging her tight. “I love you.” Pearl hesitated at first, but in the end, she knew she felt the same.

“I love you too.” Pearl pulled her away gently, and placed a tiny kiss on her lips. 

_ She was finally someone’s first choice. _


End file.
